How to Boil a Frog


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Friday, March 30, 2007

Meet God

Frogs don't know much about religion. When you start out as a pollywog, and then grow arms and legs, pretty much everything feels like a miracle, and we tend to believe that all blessings flow from the Pond, which seems to be a lot like what I've heard about Heaven. Plenty of mosquitoes, a nice lily pad, cool fresh water -- that's pretty much how you guys see it, right?

So anyway, that got me thinking about what this God person I've heard about must be like. As I understand it, He (is it a he? We frogs tend to be ambisexual so the whole gender thing is confusing too) anyway He is powerful, is there for you as you go through your day, and is somebody that you have to keep your faith in, even when disbelievers or unpleasant circumstances might be trying to get you to give up on Him. Well, in the interest of bringing people closer to their Creator, I've arranged a personal meeting. Meet God.

I guess he's in Heaven. He seems to be floating.

Based on my research, I see that God goes by many names – Yukon, Explorer, Forester, Expedition, Mountaineer – apparently you humans really associate God with Nature, which I think is great. And according to the New York Times, you guys are really sticking with him even though gasoline prices have topped $3 US per gallon.

In fact, you're driving more than ever, which just goes to show that when people's faith is tested, you really see their true colors (I favor green). Fortunately, as urban sprawl continues to spread, there will be more and more suburban churches (often accommodating 2 or even 3 Gods – those people are really religious!) where believers will be able to gather with their families for no less than 11 daily services on the average – to the market, to school, to work, to the video store, and so on.

And how will all that worship affect the Pond from which all our frog blessings flow? Well, I don't quite understand it. But I guess God knows.